I want us all to do an exercise today.
Actually, let me rewind. Not us. You. Me. The person scrolling in bed pretending they are emotionally evolved while actively avoiding their inbox.

Keep your eyes open for now. You’ll get your moment of dramatic self-reflection later, don’t worry.

Take a slow breath in. Look around the room like you are in a nature documentary, but the rare species is you, existing in your own habitat. Notice the walls, the chair, the random glass of water you forgot about three days ago.

Now start counting. Not in your head. Out loud. Count until your lungs feel like they burning from the inside out.

Keep counting.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Notice how your brain immediately tries to make this meaningful. “This is probably about mindfulness.”

Wrong.

This is about seeing how ridiculous you get when asked to do anything slightly uncomfortable.

Seven. Eight. Nine.

You’re already cheating, aren’t you? Short breaths, tiny sips of air, like a person rationing oxygen in a prestige Netflix survival drama.

Keep going.

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.

At this point you’re not breathing, you’re auditioning for “Most Stressed Mammal of the Year.” Your shoulders are in your ears, your face looks like you’re about to receive bad news from a medieval doctor.

Stop.You didn’t even last that long.

And here is the punchline of this entire exercise. You just treated breathing like a performance test instead of something you do automatically to stay alive.That’s exactly how unnecessary fear works.

You turn basic existence into an Olympic sport, then panic because you’re not winning.

Tomorrow, you will still wake up and do the same thing. You will open your eyes, see your ceiling, and instantly decide the day is dangerous, exhausting, or doomed.

And you will forget that you already know how to breathe.

So here is your homework, deeply stupid and very serious at the same time.

Don’t calm down. Don’t meditate. Don’t journal. Don’t “ground yourself.”

Just notice one moment tomorrow where you freak out for absolutely no reason.

And laugh at yourself.

Not kindly.

Loudly.

You deserve it.